Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Mark Richt is Satan, and other fables

What a fun day this is going to be. There is so much great stuff out there, you would think some of these people just discovered that football was something worth writing about.

Where to begin... How about Loser with Socks, one of my all time favorites. Jai Eugene (no, not the LSU cornerback of the same name) gets on board the "Ohio State is a cardboard cut-out #1" train and basically reasserts the very same point I made here, only much better and with an actual sense of humor, the absence of which is a known congenital defect of mine. Here is his apocalyptic scenario:

I honestly think a any combination of ACC/Big 10/Big East national championship game could be the cataclysmic event that gets us a playoff. The SEC would go berserk (as it should) about their 1-loss team being out of it, the media would keep jocking USC (like always) because they beat Cal (like always, except that one time that Cal is still living off of from 6 years ago) and every other team and conference in college football would go berserk over the mere suggestion that two one-loss teams could play for the national championship ahead of two unbeatens.

I swear, I have started to pray for this. I truly have. I know it is sick, depraved, perverted, disrespectful of women and minorities and just generally loathsome, but I can't help it. Somebody SAAAAAVVVVEEEE meeee!

But wait ... there's more! That's right, Orson Swindle must also have a say, lest EDSBS be forgotten and consigned to history -- OK, that's hyperbole, but this isn't:
Ohio State fans have achieved the impossible. Despite craving the taste of teargas from birth, allegedly beating up handicapped people, and entering each game with the homicidal zeal of an ultra-nationalist Spartak supporter armed with a Camelbak full of cut rate vodka distilled from radioactive Ukrainian produce, you have become an object of sympathy.
Not really sure what Orson's talking about here? You'll get it once you see the video. Just wow.

Moving right along, it seems that at least some Alabama fans have ... err ... a not so fuzzy feeling about the impending game with LSU. I can understand that -- they are a formidable team and, on paper at least, outclass the Crimson Tide. It also seems that LSU has owned the Tide over the last 10 years, and that can't make a proud 'Bama fan happy:
The Tide is a dismal 3-7 versus the Tigers over the last ten years. The numbers are what they are. Alabama has been handled roughly by its rivals since Gene Stallings refused to pull out the shotgun with five wide. The last decade has seen Alabama go 3-7 versus Tennessee, 3-7 versus LSU, and 3-7 versus Auburn. How's that for symmetry, but as we are reminded almost daily, you can't live in yester year, and the past doesn't block and tackle. The last decade is not the now. Live in the now, man.
Well, if the Tide were able to pull off the upset against LSU, it would send shock waves throughout all of college football -- not just because of the SEC repercussions, but because of the previously discussed BCS. I can't wait for this game, and I am a Kentucky fan.

The Heisman Pundit examines the data, and concludes that the SEC has not only the best defenses, but also some of the best offenses. And he says it, right there on his website. Of course, some of his Pac-10 readers ... uhh ... don't really agree.

Finally, the one that really got me laughing, and this guy was serious. A guy named Franz Beard, who is apparently managing editor for the Gator Country website, sent a letter to Mike Silve, the commissioner of the SEC, complaining about Georgia's behavior and in particular the behavior of Mark Richt on Saturday at the Cocktail Party.

Mr. Beard claims to be concerned about the message Silve's lack of punitive action against Richt might send, and supports his concerns thus:
I know what I saw with my binoculars from the press box and I do not accept Coach Richt’s explanation. There was nothing spontaneous about this demonstration. It was pre-planned and all you had to do was watch the way Coach Richt and his assistants reacted.

I believe we are extremely fortunate that a brawl did not break out. I’ve been at Florida-Georgia games since 1962 and I know the hair-trigger emotions both on the field and in the stands. One ill-timed remark, one bump of a Georgia player into a Florida player and we could have very easily had an on the field incident that would have made Miami-Florida International look like something you see on Sesame Street. It is only by God’s grace and the restraint of the Florida coaches, who prevented the UF team from charging the field by their quick, positive response, that there was no incident on the field.

Oh, my paws and whiskers, Mr. Franz Beard. You mean to tell me that the sight of a team rushing to the end zone to celebrate was so provocative that we should fear the other team rushing from their benches to brawl with them? Never mind that FIU and Florida are only 9 miles apart and the in-person smack talk had been going on for months. Never mind that Georgia and Florida, while rivals, have no history of this sort of violent behavior, unlike at least one of the two participants in the aforementioned brawl.

Mr. Beard, if Florida or Georgia has reached the level where they must resort to violence whenever the other team performs an unacceptable celebration, we should stop this sport right now. "Death penalty" for the whole SEC for maybe 5 years so we can all cool off and figure out the difference between right and wrong. Players and coaches hopefully learned from the lesson of FIU-Miami, and now you are telling the SEC commish that that isn't so?

Not only that, but you, from your seat high above the field, somehow magically perceived with your mind-reading binoculars that Mark Richt, a man known for anything but nefarious behavior, and his coaching staff were wickedly devising a scheme to drag the game into the muck? And it "could not have happend" without his "prior approval and planning"?

Dude, get a clue. These are games we play here, not gladiatorial contests. Lighten up. Live a little. Richt says he was sorry, and put it in writing. Accept the apology and move on like the rest of us, you freaking curmudgeon.


David said...

Best-case scenario: Ohio State, Arizona State, BC, and Kansas all finish undefeated, with 1-loss LSU in tow. How do you know who are the best two out of that bunch? It's impossible to say for sure, meaning at least an 8-team playoff would be necessary.

Since an 8-team playoff is probably the best solution (with everyone else with a winning record going to bowls to appease the traditionalists), that would be a dream sequence. The more chaos, the better.

BestofSEC said...

I so totally agree, David.

Let there cataclysm and calamity! May Boise State play in the Tostiforitos Siesta Bowl!

Cry "Havoc!" And let slip the dogs of war!